Shop Talk
“Another Hurricane Creation”
hurricane@shereese.com
“I’mma Flirt”
The church and the bar-room have collided in Altanta’s prestigious ‘Hair By Jacques’ Leslie and the clan is in an uproar over My Space, back-to-school clothes, church gossip and the music industry! Let’s see what is going on . . .
Hennessy (a very rich, yet ‘boughetto’ client of Jacques): I am reading Shereese Hair & Beauty Magazine and there is a superb article about Teen Issues and this Winfred person mentions something about My Space. My daughter, Dasani, is on that all of the time. My husband and I just don’t understand.
Jacques: When did he return from his European business trip?
(Before Hennessy can answer Jacques)
Leslie to Hennessy: Chile I thought he was in jail!
Hennessy: Hell no! (to Leslie as Hennessy continues her sentence) Jacques, you must stop letting your help speak so frequently! She is obnoxious!
Leslie: WELL! My ‘passa’ said that My Space is a direct vein to the devil and that we should not let our kids on it ‘cause of all of the “fro-no-graphy” and stuff!
Jacques: What is “fro-no-graphy” Leslie?
Leslie: You know--naked people!
(Marquise, the male stylist, enters the shop singing, “I’mma Flirt”)
Leslie: I can’t stand that song and why are you in such a good mood!
Marquise: Well, I was at Lenox Mall and Mr. R. Kelly was there signing autographs at FYE and I just shook his hand. I melted like butter. It is too bad that, “R” as I like to call him, is on the other team because I would let him “stick his key into my ignition!”
Hennessy: Excuse me young man! I don’t like that kind of conversation I am the wife of a Missionary! I am offended!
(Jacques is furious and is giving Marquise the evil eye as he calms Hennessy down)
Marquise (tells his first client): I don’t know what is wrong with her because if she really wants to know I can tell her about her hubby and the missionary! Ya feel me! Don’t get me started all up and through here!
(Marquise and his client high fives each other)
Jacques (to Hennessy): So Madame what are you doing when you leave my beautiful shop on this lovely afternoon. (Trying to act as if nothing happened.)
Hennessy: Well Jacques, I am going to pickup Dasani and go to Phipps Plaza and do a little school shopping.
(Leslie overhearing)
Leslie: Ms. Hennessy, did I hear you say Phipps Plaza?! What kind of school is she going to? My little Shaniqua is going right there to Rainbow and we are going to spend the usual $300 on her clothes and Payless is the BEST for shoes!
Hennessy: Well I never!
Leslie: “And you probably never will, shopping a Phipps for a 10 year old!”
Jacques (forgetting his French accent completely): LESLIE THAT IS ENOUGH! I WANT YOU TO APOLOGIZE TO MS. HENNESSY RIGHT NOW DAMMIT!
Leslie: Sorry . . . (as she rolled her eyes)
Albert (a new customer waiting to get his haircut): Jacques, if I did know any better I would swear that your accent indicates that you from Louisville, Kentucky!
Jacques (coughing heavily trying to get his composure): No! J’habite Cannes! I mean I am from Cannes, France. . .
Albert: “Well I have to use the CAN too!”
Hennessy (calling Corinne the receptionist to pay for her hair): Corinne! Bring my Gucci and find out from Jacques how much I own him so I may leave immediately!
(Corinne knows Hennessy’s husband all too well actually they were an “issue” no too long ago. Well, what Hennessy does not know is Corinne and her husband is on the phone when he comes to pick his wife up and Corinne sees him pull up.)
(Corinne thinks, “that bastard did not tell me he was married!”)
Marquise (walks up to the front to get some fresh air in between clients): Corinne, you see that guy sitting in the car in front of the shop? Well, I dated him a month or two ago and that is Ms. Hennessy’s husband! Only if she knew! B@%^!!!!!!
(Corinne gets weak and by this time Hennessy has walked up to the reception area. Corinne’s faint like statue has the waiting clients in a panic.)
Hennessy: Darling are you okay?
___________________________________________________________________
Well they say that the south is small! What would you do in this situation?! Post a BLOG and you may very well write the finish to this scene! The DL has hit “Hair By Jacques!”
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Sunday, July 1, 2007
“A Case Of The Award Show Blues!”
Shop Talk
“Another Hurricane Creation”
“A Case Of The Award Show Blues!”
Atlanta’s Hair by Jacques is booming with business on this hot steamy Georgia night. The aftermath a “certain network’s” Award Show is the topic around the whole shop! Let’s see what they are chatting about!
Danielle (the nail tech): Girl she looked a hot mess!
Leslie (the shampoo girl taking a undeserved break): Who chile?
Danielle: You know the Mama from the Parkers!
Leslie: Girl didn’t it look like Hurricane Katrina came back and went straight under her dress! And she didn’t not know the words to that Beyonce’ song! She is wrong for that--with that played out dance routine. She did that in ’04!
Jacques (speaking in his distinctive French accent): Ladies, ladies, stop being so judgmental. Just because she is, what do you American’s say, “thick” does not mean she cannot dance.
Danielle: Yo “J” we ain’t being judgemental or nuttin’ but that awards show looked like they needed to put insulin and high blood pressure medicine in the Kool Aide with all of those fat girls in there!
Leslie: Well my Pastor says that gluttony is a sin! Yall need to come and visit the New Vision of Zion & Lilly of the Valley A.M.E. COGIC MBC!
Jacques: “Pardon Moi!” Your church sure has a long name!
Leslie: I just write the name small on my check that I send in!
Danielle: Well your Passa’ is wrong for that AND your Passa’ needs to call Jennifer Hudson and tell her never to wear crème again and to never NOT wear a girdle! She looked like she was stealing bread from Kroger’s and putting it under her dress!
(Everyone laughs!)
Marquise (the “male” stylist): Well I like Diddy! He is just too cute with his fine self, but Keyshia Cole’s booty looked huge with all of that white on!
Rock (the barber yells from the rear of the shop): You just didn’t like her ‘cause she was a girl. The only “booty” you like is the ones with hair on ‘em!
Leslie (under her breath say’s): I know that is the truth and he ain’t the only one! (as she looks towards Jacques)
Jacques: REMEMBER PEOPLE, this shop is exclusive. We must not act like we are on Cascade Boulevard; this is BUCKHEAD! Plus, I loved the tribute to Diana Ross she was one of my role models as a child!
Leslie: Lawd, the gay in here is getting thicker by the minute!
Jacques: Excuse me Leslie!!!
Leslie: (singing) Precious Lawd . . . take my hand!
Danielle: All I am saying is, “Flav” is ugly, “T.I.” is a little touched in the head, “T-Pain” NO COMMENT, “Don Cheadle” looks like a African American troll doll, “Chaka” screams too much, “Patti” too and I want to know what was wrong with “Erykah’s” crotch! She looked like she was giving birth and the head popped out! I just don’t know what they are going to do next year . . .
“Another Hurricane Creation”
“A Case Of The Award Show Blues!”
Atlanta’s Hair by Jacques is booming with business on this hot steamy Georgia night. The aftermath a “certain network’s” Award Show is the topic around the whole shop! Let’s see what they are chatting about!
Danielle (the nail tech): Girl she looked a hot mess!
Leslie (the shampoo girl taking a undeserved break): Who chile?
Danielle: You know the Mama from the Parkers!
Leslie: Girl didn’t it look like Hurricane Katrina came back and went straight under her dress! And she didn’t not know the words to that Beyonce’ song! She is wrong for that--with that played out dance routine. She did that in ’04!
Jacques (speaking in his distinctive French accent): Ladies, ladies, stop being so judgmental. Just because she is, what do you American’s say, “thick” does not mean she cannot dance.
Danielle: Yo “J” we ain’t being judgemental or nuttin’ but that awards show looked like they needed to put insulin and high blood pressure medicine in the Kool Aide with all of those fat girls in there!
Leslie: Well my Pastor says that gluttony is a sin! Yall need to come and visit the New Vision of Zion & Lilly of the Valley A.M.E. COGIC MBC!
Jacques: “Pardon Moi!” Your church sure has a long name!
Leslie: I just write the name small on my check that I send in!
Danielle: Well your Passa’ is wrong for that AND your Passa’ needs to call Jennifer Hudson and tell her never to wear crème again and to never NOT wear a girdle! She looked like she was stealing bread from Kroger’s and putting it under her dress!
(Everyone laughs!)
Marquise (the “male” stylist): Well I like Diddy! He is just too cute with his fine self, but Keyshia Cole’s booty looked huge with all of that white on!
Rock (the barber yells from the rear of the shop): You just didn’t like her ‘cause she was a girl. The only “booty” you like is the ones with hair on ‘em!
Leslie (under her breath say’s): I know that is the truth and he ain’t the only one! (as she looks towards Jacques)
Jacques: REMEMBER PEOPLE, this shop is exclusive. We must not act like we are on Cascade Boulevard; this is BUCKHEAD! Plus, I loved the tribute to Diana Ross she was one of my role models as a child!
Leslie: Lawd, the gay in here is getting thicker by the minute!
Jacques: Excuse me Leslie!!!
Leslie: (singing) Precious Lawd . . . take my hand!
Danielle: All I am saying is, “Flav” is ugly, “T.I.” is a little touched in the head, “T-Pain” NO COMMENT, “Don Cheadle” looks like a African American troll doll, “Chaka” screams too much, “Patti” too and I want to know what was wrong with “Erykah’s” crotch! She looked like she was giving birth and the head popped out! I just don’t know what they are going to do next year . . .
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Well, well, well, what can BET do next year?! Well they top themselves! Are blacks too critical of their own events? Do we scrutinize the Grammys? Contribute to this blog and you might just write the ending to this story!
Well, well, well, what can BET do next year?! Well they top themselves! Are blacks too critical of their own events? Do we scrutinize the Grammys? Contribute to this blog and you might just write the ending to this story!
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